It Gets No Easier.
Posted in It (sex, of course) on 25. Jan, 2010
I learned a long, LONG time ago that sex controls men. I don’t care how evolved they may believe themselves to be. Sex is always tantamount on their list of priorities, and this is coming from a girl that ended a guy’s celibacy with only the slightest of effort. Learn how to wield sex properly and you can have them at the flick of your hand.
“Ever since this old world began / A woman found out if she shook it/ She could shake up a man/ And so I’m gonna shake and shimmy it/ The best that I can”
So I learned how to walk, how to talk. I know when to be coy and when to be blatant. I know how to reel them in like bait but let them believe it’s their choice. No female teases/flirts as greatly or as productively as I do. I’ve yet to encounter a man where a smile and cleavage didn’t leave him spellbound. The problem is once I stop teasing and make good on what my hips have been promising, there exists no guarantee.
It’s been my experience and observation that a woman only has the control until sex occurs, and then, the control shifts to the man. And as much as I enjoy sex and as many men I’ve dated that I wanted to invite into my bedroom, throughout my 20s, I’ve had LONG spells (2 years & change) of enforced abstinence.
See…most people would define me as a control freak which I dispute. I don’t need control. I just need to know the outcome before I start. (Shut up.) Before I watch a movie, I need to know if my favorite character will achieve whatever they’re after. Will the bad guy get his comeuppance? And that is probably why I stick to romantic comedies and Disney. I like happy endings! I need everyone to get what they deserve. Well, this hope is a characteristic of mine that extends to all facets of my life, especially dating.
If we’ve met and the sexual tension was strong but nothing happened, well, you have yourself to blame. I want to know…I need to know…I GOT TO KNOW that you’ll call the next day.
There must exist no doubt in my mind that when I’m reminiscing about the happenings of the night before, you’ll be doing the same and my phone will ring. My mind must know that you know that I DESERVE that call. Sex is when I’m at my most vulnerable, physically and emotionally. I may have been the one flirting shamelessly and stringing you along with flashes of legs for the past couple of months. Yet if a man were to get up and leave after we’ve had sex, I may just erupt in tears. There’s an exchange that happens during sex for me. You bring me pleasure. You take away my common sense.
And since I fear my common sense being in just anyone’s hands, I cannot just have sex. I know almost all men and a growing majority of females can remove themselves emotionally from such a physical act. I can’t, and I don’t want to…usually. (There are those nights where my hormones have me ready to pick up the next attractive stranger that walks past.)
I wrote a few weeks ago about what type of man it takes to date me. Well…if only that were half the battle. I don’t have sex until I’m certain, and it takes MONTHS for that certainty to arrive. Unfortunately, we live in an instantaneous world where sex is easily accessible. Some men don’t like waiting, and most don’t have to do that. I have a pretty active libido but an even stronger discipline. Men may just not choose to deal with that. Why should they? When they could spend less money and less time on another female and receive a faster return on their investment. Well…
…so? I may be a hard pill to swallow, but I guarantee you’ll feel better.
Men & their “right now” + my need for guaranteed control = a cache of AA Batteries in my night stand
Consider me a Walkman in an IPod World.
Readers: Is it just me? Am I making this more complicated than it has to be? How do you approach sex?
Absolutely not. As I read this I completely understood because I see exactly where you are coming from. Just because I get pussy it does not mean I give it up. Matter of fact I just hit the THIRD year this month of my own abstinence. A year and change that I have given anyone the biz, by choice. I am about to be 30 I KNOW what it is I want and I have a child who is going to be a teenager this year I have brought 3 diff women into my daughter’s life in relationships and her heart broke each time they did not work and I have that to consider. I know what sex can do, booooy do I. And everyone calls me a control freak too, I do not see it that way. I give my ENTIRE being to someone I want to be with. I unconditionally cater, even to my friends, they would all vouch. I feel I deserve the same and will NOT settle for less, ever. Being that I know that women are much more emotional I decided to stop being that person that would not call after I put it on you. I am never looking for the perfect woman but I am definitely not settling for anything short of PERFECT FOR ME.
This is why I lust you. I agree completely, and you’re absolutely right.
“I am never looking for the perfect woman but I am definitely not settling for anything short of PERFECT FOR ME.”
Could NOT have said it better.
As always, I respect where you’re coming from — but two words kept floating through my head: “She. Trippin.”
That is all.
- WIM
And this is why you pursue strippers.
WIM does not pursue strippers, strippers pursue WIM. Sha-WING!
Hmmm, I cant say that i’ve had a person not call after we’ve done the do. But I am extremely selective about who I let get close enough to me to seduce me
so only (less than) a handful have been honored to sample this body. I have found that I get emotionally attached once I become intimate with someone so I choose wisely (ha!).
You? A control freak? Nooooo!
” I may be a hard pill to swallow, but I guarantee you’ll feel better.” I
What happened?? I meant to say that I like that sentence.
I’ve never had anyone not call. Well…there was the one time, but his girlfriend called me and then he called to do damage control.
Heehee.
When it comes to movies etc. Yes, you are ABSOLUTELY being a control freak. lol
More importantly though, you know yourself. It’s why you mostly stick to the movies you do and mostly stick to the men you do. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s great actually.
As far as the availability of immediate fulfillment…quality still takes precedence over speed/quantity. I’m sure you have no problem getting men to realize that you’re worth the wait. If they don’t…they probably weren’t worth it.
Agreed. And I am not a control freak. I just like to know what I’m getting. Not at all the same.
Just stopping by to say that the outlook you have is appreciated by some men and when you find the right dude, he’ll love it. Sure instant gratification is great, sometimes, but as any unsatisfied customer can tell you – buyer’s remorse is the worst feeling in the world.
And I hate to tell you, but yeah, you’re a control freak. It’s all good though!
Et tu?
I like the way you worded that. Buyer’s remorse is what I fear.
Glad I’m appreciated.
Buyers remorse SUCKS such a clever way to put things!
Dang Reina, are you really a control freak? LOL. You want what you want and there is nothing wrong with that. But always wanting to know the ending seems like that takes the fun out of the mystery. There is something that is very romantic about the mystery. If a man is willing to wait to get to know you then he deserves the wait from you to solve the mystery. Have patience my young Jedi apprentice. Hahahahaha…Sorry I just couldn’t resist.
Haha
You are relentless! I like it. I try to be less controlling and take a chance on faith, but eh…I’m still a work in progress.
“I know how to reel them in like bait but let them believe it’s their choice.”
I knew you was off the chain, and this was another confirmation.
That’s why you the best
-Ed.
Very good post
Kinda hard to explain the male perspective to you but I’ll say this…most men will have a problem with re-linquishing that “control.” I’m not saying that you have control issues (lol) but the man is only gonna give so much. Is it pride? Is it ego? I dunno.
As for sex, for a man…it might not be the most important thing…but it’s pretty damn important! LOL
LOL@wanting to know the ending its like me, I read the last page of books well before the end cause I am antsy to know if the protagonist lives, dies, etc…
definitely too complicated.
Hmm…. I don’t really know how I feel about this. But on the surface yeah….too complicated. LOL
Hey chica. I won’t call you a control freak (to your face, at least); I’ll just say that you wish to have the grandest influence on life’s minutaie. Still, in affairs dealing with the heart and other parts, who doesn’t want some kind of assurance that what you invest will have a positive return? Nobody invests into anything WANTING to take an “L”, so if you can attain peace-of-mind making em’ wait, then make them wait
Oh…and that word is spelled “”minutiae”. Note to self: PROOFREAD your posts; Reina is an egghead, especially when it comes to grammar and spelling!
I’ve been celibate for 3 years and not for a lack of willing partners.
I’m waiting for the woman that does not need me to make the decision to have sex.
Kissing, cuddling, holding hands is just fine with me.
Sure, I’ll be thinking about it, but sex to me is not the paramount part of a relationship.
Friendship, positive communication, and trust are the best foundations to build on, not sex.
Passion is great, but it can easily be manipulated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have confidence in where things are headed.
A reminder, a woman as successful as you has a smaller dating pool of men who are her equal or better. Perhaps you will learn to be like most men, and accept a partner that is not as wealthy and educated, but who has character, morals, and can provide the emotional support structure we all dream of.